so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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