Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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