i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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