i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
