You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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