You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize