i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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