Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The maid of honor just puked.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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