I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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