We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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