So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
