You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
