The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
