Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
