this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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