He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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