i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
