I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
