last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
