Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
