id be glad to
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
