Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it was like having sex with a tree stump
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
