Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
