I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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