I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize