I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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