dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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