We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
