A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
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Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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