i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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