I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize