don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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