There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
