I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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