I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
