I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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