Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
