i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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