mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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