so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
