My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
