two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
