On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
