i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
