where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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