The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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