Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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