I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
