her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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