I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
