I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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