Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have so much sex to catch up on
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize