I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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