Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
