Jerry, you need to find god
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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