She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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