drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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