There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
