He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
