apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The beer is more important than you right now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
