In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
