If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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