Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
