is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
