I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
