i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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