There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
