i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
