When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
