I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
