I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
