he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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