saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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