I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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