Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
