he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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