Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
